What Does Anger Tell?

The angry child within us can awaken when a basic need goes unmet. The intensity is connected to how much we've pushed off and delayed meeting the need. The intensity is also connected to how much we didn't receive a response to that need in childhood, or how familiar the current situation is from a childhood pattern — which in turn floods the unmet need with intensity once again.

In the spirit of a conversation about anger and needs: — What happened? — Today I was so angry! I already exploded at him, screaming! — You really screamed. How did that feel? — My anger burned like fire in my stomach. — What does the burning anger ask for? — Today my anger needed to be heard. — What does the anger ask you to hear? — Today my anger brought to my attention that I felt unappreciated. — What else was there? — Actually, I was angry because I felt alone. He's sitting there playing some stupid app. — What did you do? — So I exploded at him so he'd feel the same lack of appreciation and loneliness. — You felt alone. What did you need? — Actually, I wanted to be together, in my space with what happened to me today, and in general — together. Otherwise, why are we together? — You wanted togetherness, and what did you get? — Distance was created. — What did you need there? — Now I can say to him: I feel lonely, I need time together. Let's put away our phones. Okay?