Farewell from Therapy

In a departure from my usual practice, I'll share about a therapy that took place and ended this week. Not details from the therapy itself. That is private, and I am committed and glad to uphold the confidentiality that is part of human dignity and interpersonal ethics, long before it is a professional obligation.

So I won't share details from the therapy, not the client's age, not their gender. I'll only say that in our last session, they sketched out — in a beautifully simple way — a practice for coping. A practice that wasn't self-evident, and the journey to reach it was through challenges and hurdles, past and present. And I am so proud of them — even just for reaching out and seeking help. That positioning is both vulnerable and a choice of commitment to oneself.

It is simple, but it is not at all simplistic. I will say it wasn't a long therapy, yet the transformations are moving. The client moved me deeply, and in the end we found ourselves — both of us — in gratitude for the acquaintance and the work together. Just recalling that moment moves me.

So simply, not simplistically — when the fear of parting arose and wandered into all kinds of explanations and reasons, we returned to the fear of ending, of me not being there anymore. And we stood in that fear together. And then the mode (parts of the self, a Schema Therapy term) returned to center, and they simply outlined what they would do when things get challenging.

I was so in awe. The awe that was always needed there and never was. I wanted to shout from the rooftops "wow" and "yes!" and I want to celebrate them! So I asked permission, and with their consent I'm sharing:

1. Stop 2. Breathe 3. Accept the situation I'm in 4. Notice what I'm feeling 5. Bring in the Healthy Adult (the Healthy Adult is the part of the self that regulates and provides care for parts that lack beneficial responses — where another inner part causes them pain through defenses that are not adaptive and don't serve them)

How simple. How wonderful. It was so much, and it was an understanding that is light-years from the starting point. There were additional transformations, and I'm grateful for the privilege of memories from the journey together.

I wrote to a colleague recently, when they spoke about how it feels to part from a long-term client — that it's complex to say goodbye like this. The wish for them to spread their wings, to fly onward. And the fact that it also marks a parting, a longing. Something mixed like that, which I'm always glad to sit with, to immerse myself in. To continue holding the care, the love, and also the joy of the farewell. A good and healthy ending is part of the success of therapy.

The provisions of the connection, its depth and value — I too carry with me onward. And I am here, as I always promise my clients: careful at crosswalks, taking care of myself so I can be here in the future too, for them.